As an emergency room and trauma nurse in New York City’s busiest hospitals for sixteen years, I saw firsthand the profound damage from illnesses caused by energy draining conflicts. Since each illness has a specific low vibration, it’s important to keep your vibration as high as possible. So when your programming says, "I should do this" but your spirit says, "No!" it’s time to get out of your tug of war and make a sacred choice to listen to your spirit.
Here are some simple steps to get out of conflict and raise your vibration:
Listen for tell-tale words in your vocabulary. If you hear yourself saying such phrases as "I should...I have to...I'm supposed to...I must....I have no choice...," it is a sure sign that you're doing something not because you want to, but because you feel it's expected of you. This is the root of guilt— staying loyal to old beliefs about what you believe others want you to do versus your evolving spirit and its dreams.
Identify your limiting tribal beliefs. Tribal beliefs are always at the root of guilt. To find the root tribal belief, ask yourself why you feel guilty. For example, a client I'll call Sara didn't want to visit an old friend for the holidays because she felt the two of them had grown apart, and the so-called friend was always negative and an energy drain to be around. However, Sara felt she should visit her because she'd known her for twenty years, and the woman had stood had by Sara at a time when Sara had been gravely ill. Sara's tribal beliefs were: A long-time friend should be your friend for life, no matter what and you don’t abandon someone who stayed by you when you were down.
Watch for head chatter. When people are driven by guilt, they begin to negotiate with themselves. Sara's chatter went something like this: "I'll go visit her, but I'll only stay for fifteen minutes." "I'll get someone else to drive me so I'll have an easy excuse to leave." "I have to go to the store in that direction anyway, so I'll just stop in and say a quick hello." When you start negotiating, procrastinating, or skirting around the issue, guilt is getting the upper hand and will start to wear you down.
Get to the heart of your true wishes. Next, here's the big question to ask yourself: If there were no logistical considerations--if you're not going to hurt anyone's feelings, if no one will believe you're selfish, if your actions will not create any distress or anger to anyone--what would you truly like to do? When I asked Sara this question, she answered immediately: "I don't want to see her." Notice how clear our decisions become when we stop worrying about our reputations!
Find a way to be true to your wishes. Eventually, you will want to rewrite your limiting tribal beliefs and start living by new ones. Sara's new tribal belief might be: It's reasonable to believe that friends sometimes grow apart and no longer have common interests. For now, though, a simpler and less involved solution is to make a commitment to solve this problem incrementally.
Sara's solution was to call the friend for two minutes and say that although she couldn't come by, she genuinely wanted to wish her happy holidays and a healthy new year.
What happens when you learn how to rid yourself of guilt? You will immediately feel less irritation, anger, and resentment. Resentment occurs when we slavishly listen to our tribal beliefs rather than listening to our heart's true wishes.
Isn’t it time to listen to the wise voice of your spirit? --Christel
We celebrate the many healings that took place at the Austin and Sun Valley Retreats. We are thrilled for all of you and deeply grateful for taking your high vibration out into the world.
Special kudos to:
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Geri and John Herbert for their deep love for the Sun Valley Community.
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The Sun Valley retreat participants. We know that the fire created much distress for all of you. Thank you for showing us a how a loving community works—we saw you supporting one another in a multitude of ways and your friendliness and openness touched us deeply. It’s wonderful to see that “second” family come together and heal!
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Cheryl and staff at Chapter One Books for all their support and a fabulous and healthy book signing in Ketchum!
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Our hosts Angela and Rob for driving us in every way possible. The leather chaps incident will never leave our hearts and minds! Thank you for the awesome workouts at Angela's Gym in Ketchum, ID!
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The participants of the Healing Retreat at the Crossings, Austin Texas. We are so very proud of your choices to grow and change your life.
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